Blech!

Welcome to being pregnant! I feel aweful and today is especially bad.
My energy has flown the coop in its entirety. Although I don't feel like sleeping I can barely summon up the effort to do anything aside from flopping my lazy butt on the couch. It was all I could do to make it to my computer and that was because my need to thwart the boredom won out. I also feel nauseous today. I haven't hurled yet, nor do I believe I will, but my stomach is revolting against the hormonal changes by doing a dance. On top of all this I have a rambunctious toddler who adamantly refuses to let me be and a filthy house that is soon going to add to my upset stomach if I don't do something about it.
Oh, and I'm as cranky as a pig without mud.
I'm just a joy to be around today. Tomorrow will be better - right?

Positive

Need I say more? Yipee!!

Waiting

I'm officially 4 days late. I am starting to get excited and completely terrified at the same time. A few more days and then I will be all but certain.
My mind is totally working overtime: How long until my clothes feel tight? I will likely show sooner than with the first so how do I effectively hide it? I bought some new shirts recently and I must get as much wear as possible out of them. I have to start being very rigid with my eating, I don't want to gain too much weight... and my mind runs on.
Can this really be?

Hoping

I hate this. My mind is totally working overtime. My period should be starting today, maybe tomorrow. I run like clockwork so if I'm late.... No sign of it yet. I've had a fair bit of cramping over the past week which I don't usually have until the day of. Last night it was particularly bad so I thought for sure my negative proof would show up. I've also had some other wierdness I'll spare you the details of which cause me to wonder and hope.
I took a pregnancy test today but it didn't work, meaning the control strip didn't show so the instructions said that the result is then inconclusive. (???) It was negative but I don't believe it either way because it apparently didn't work. That's what I get for buying a cheap test I suppose.
Here's to hoping!

Eating Right

A couple of months ago I started a more diligent effort to live a healthier lifestyle. The exercise part I've done really well at but the eating...well...food is just too good!
My mom is also frustrated with trying to eat right and she has gained back some of the weight she worked so hard to loose a couple of years ago. We both know how to eat properly but the accountability factor is what is missing. It's especially hard when the two of us have husbands who aren't as concerned about what they eat. So we are going to answer to each other.
We're aiming for a realistic approach to eating. Yes we want results but with most "diets" people loose the weight and then gain a wack back again. We don't want that to happen to us. Besides, who can give up desserts and chips completely and not be grumpy about it? We want a lifestyle we can keep up. A few simple rules for ourselves:
1. Bring healthy snacks to avoid grabbing the donuts in the coffee room at our jobs.
2. Eat regularly to curb hunger and prevent possible binge eating.
3. If we have a treat make sure it is worth the calories and eat less of it.
4. Keep the amount of unhealthy food available at home to a minimum.
5. When we go out, exercise discretion and control.

Yesterday was day one and we did really well. My mom wishes to loose some weight. I, of course, hope to be pregnant soon where weight loss is not good. My goal is to be healthy for a healthy future baby and do what I can for my body to help it get through the process easier.

Ding!

Round 2.
The second month of trying is almost upon us and I'm excited. Last month I was still quite apprehensive but that has mostly passed. My husband and I spent the evening with some friends who have four kids with the youngest being 2 months old. Being around a little baby had us both melting and solidified our desire for another one of our own.
I also recently got the great news that a close couple-friends are finally pregnant after a year and half! I am thrilled for them but at the same time I'm thinking if it takes us that long this blog will get incredibly boring.

I made the mistake of getting on the scale this morning. Scales are such vile inventions and really should be made illegal. I've been faithfully running three to four times a week for almost two months and have not lost a pound!!!!!! What the heck? If I didn't actually feel good after running I would drop my treadmill off of a cliff and cheer at its death. Do I eat that badly? Or too much? I know I said that my original goal with exercising and eating healthy was to prep my body for pregnancy with weight loss being secondary. But seriously, shouldn't at least two or three pounds be gone? Shouldn't my pants feel a bit looser?

Strike One

I was at the doctor yesterday and although that was not the reason for my visit I asked if they could do a pregnancy test. I figured,
"Why not?" I was there anyway and had been experiencing some nausea (no missed period yet though).
Negative.
I'm not surprised. Our attempts have been very infrequent. I said to my hubby that we'll have to give it a little more effort to even give us a hope. I know it only takes once but more does up one' s chances.
A vacation to forget about life and relax would also help but that' s not going to happen.

Maybe...

I am already making myself crazy.
Am I? Or am I not?
Well, I have been a bit queasy off and on for the last couple of days...
I am more aware of myself and possible body changes than I ever have been.
I should have a better idea by the end of the week if anything has happened.

To buy or not to buy?

As the weather is morphing its way from winter cold to summer warmth my need for sweaters is diminishing and short-sleeved shirts is increasing. I have a love/hate relationship with season changes. On the one hand it's nice to shift to a completely different wardrobe, on the other hand it means the variety of clothes needed is larger. I dislike all my clothes right now and am resisting the urge to significantly spruce up my attire options. We are not flush with money so I don't run out and buy clothes whenever I feel like it. I analyze what I have and try to determine what bear minimum would make me feel better about getting dressed every day. Then I shop very carefully, and with self-control, and I usually come home feeling good about my finds rather than guilty at unnecessary spending.
With pregnancy being in the works new regular clothes are not a very practical decision right now.
"But my wardrobe is so drab right now!!!" (in a whiny voice)
Logic, logic.
Maybe if there's a great sale somewhere I'll buy a shirt or two but for now I'll have to make do with what I have. Hopefully it won't be long before I get to go shopping for maternity clothes anyway.

Ovulation

I ovulated last night.
No, I'm not one of those woman who promptly ran screaming at her husband,
"We have to have sex right now!"
I have lower abdominal tenderness, and pain that feels like mild cramps each month when I ovulate. That's how I know. "Trying" for us will basically mean not doing anything to prevent a baby. Our sex life will proceed pretty much as it always has.
Okay, I admit, knowing when I ovulate and knowing that we're trying for another baby certainly does encourage a little more frequency of the activity. There is also an increased level of excitement when it has a purpose.
Weird? I don't know.
I find that the thought of being pregnant is constantly on my mind.
Am I? Will I?
I'm going to be hypersensitive to any all possible symptoms and then watch like a hawk for my next period.
One moment I want it to happen right away, the next I want it to take at least another month.
I'll let you know when I know.

Sweet Talkin'

Do you know how virutally impossible it is to eliminate sugar from one's diet? Sugar is in practically everything.
Gah!
I've been trying, really. But...
I simply can't drink my coffee without something to sweeten it.
Oatmeal without some brown sugar sprinkled on top? Puhleese! Talk about bland.
A co-worker's mom brought us the best cookies ever and the voice calling "eat me" was so loud I had to shut it up to avoid upsetting customers. I had two.
Then it was a family member's birthday the other night so of course I had to have some cake.
It's a loosing battle I tell ya.
Everyday I resolve to be better tomorrow but tomorrow always ends up being more than my taste buds can handle.

It's Time

My period started for on April 24. This means the time for "trying" is nearly upon us. I told my husband this the other night and we agreed that there' s no point in putting it off anymore.
I woke up the next day terrified of being pregnant again.
The tiredness, the round belly, the weight, the waddle, the stuffy nose (apparently 30ish% of woman get this lovely malady when pregnant), the susceptibility to every little germ bug and then not being able to take anything but Tylenol when that bug attacks you, feeling unattractive, the fat fingers, being unbearably hot near the end, not being able to sit or stand comfortably, the sore...everything!
Fortunately morning sickness did not plague me (knock,knock - I know each pregnancy is different), and despite that huge list my pregnancy was not particularly difficult. I did not enjoy my pregnancy the first time. I was actually embarrassed by my appearance. I mean really, who likes looking like a whale?
This time, because it may be my last, I really want to enjoy the process; cherish it. I know of so many woman who give their right arm for the honour of carrying a child within.

The Stats

1. I am approximately 5'2" and weigh around 130 pounds. Obviously that's no Hollywood/ Nicole Richie-like figure but it'll do. I'm not skinny (who'd want their bones poking out anyway?) but I'm no where near fat. I am generally okay with my physique but to loose 10 pounds is a never ending desire of mine.

2. I have a fairly healthy food lifestyle - I love food and eat it! Seriously though, as much as I'd like to eat BigMac's , onion rings and ice cream every day, I know it would eventually kill me and not be agree wtih my finances. I do my best to incorporate a respectable amount of vegetables and fruit into my diet. It is a deliberate effort and I'm not sure I would use the words 'enjoy' and 'vegetables' together very often. It's too bad they are so good for us, and that I actually feel better when I've been getting my veggies in. We never buy instant meals, and junk food is quite scarce in our household. I don't like pre-made meals and as for junk food, I do not have even an ounce of self control so if it's around, well, let's just say it doesn't remain so for very long. We cook meals nearly every day that I pre-plan. I do like to bake and socialize with friends so cookies and other desserts are eaten a few times a week; probably my biggest food downfall. Who can give up a gooey, warm, chocolate chip cookie? Theoretically, I hope to give up sugar for the duration of this next pregnancy. Am I crazy? I think so.

3. I enjoy exercise and have been quite diligent with it for many years. This past year I have been the most lazy and can certainly tell. For the last month, though, I've been back at it, trying to get my body in decent physical condition so that I can bear a child.

4. No one in my household smokes so that is not an issue. We do enjoy alcohol, mainly wine, and have it about once a week. I will give it up entirely once pregnancy is a possibility. I won't like that part but that's the way it is. I will also give up pretty much all caffeine. I know the debate is out there on its effect on pregnancies and since I'm not dependent on it I might as well eliminate it. Oh, but I'm sure there are mornings where I will cave!

5. Sleep. That is such a tough thing to get enough of sometimes. I know pregnancy increases ones need for sleep. Naps tend to screw up my night time slumber so I do my best not to, and involuntary dozing at work or while grocery shopping just isn't acceptable for some reason! This means I'll have to do what I can to get a proper night time rest. Evenings, after our child goes to bed, are our time, Time to quickly get a few things done around the house or relax as a couple. An early bedtime robs that. A baby robs so much more though, and the more I get before maybe the better I'll get through the latter deprivation???

6. I've been taking folic acid supplements for a month now. My doctor strongly advises it because that is one of these most essential aides for a developing baby.

Introduction

I am in my early thirties and entering the adventure of pregnancy again. No, I'm not pregnant yet but I'm preparing to be. Perhaps my brain has gone overboard and caused me to over-think this process but there are a million and one thoughts circulating throughout my head that need to escape.
I know couples who admit openly when they are "trying" or going to start "trying". It's a comfortable topic to discuss with them, particularly the women.
I know other couples who are intensely private and no one else has a clue where they are at in the baby department.
Then there are the couples who allude to "trying" just enough so that other people have a general idea but not enough to really "know" what's going on. This would be us.
I love to talk about what's going on in my life. I would shout it from the rooftops the minute I was pregnant if it were not for my husband. As I said, I have many things I want to say about this process of having another baby yet in reality I don't really want everyone to know just in case - you know?
So here I am, the anonymous blogger, publicly writing down my inner, otherwise unsharable thoughts. I desperately hope and pray conception is swift and within a year I'll be able to redirect you to my other, more revealing blog.
Thank you for joining me!

Prelude

If you're just checking in....I'm in the process of setting this up so bear with me and I'll be with you soon!